Way back in November of 2010 I decided to publicly announce my decision to follow my true gender identity and transition from female to male.
Right now as get ready to start some new projects, including a Transman specific website, I finally decided the time was right for the ‘part two’ I had been asked for months ago(and thank you Lori for giving me this chance)
This time around model and physique competitor Holly Stanbrough kindly provided the questions for the article while original interviewer Colette Nelson once again took the pictures.
It has been an interesting journey that is for sure and I am certain that in some respects now that I am fully embracing my true identity my new life is on the cusp of a major change. I have to say it hasn’t always been easy this path I have chosen. Although I never identified as female I still needed to give that part of me a silent farewell, building a funeral pyre of memories, setting fire to them and giving myself permission to rise from their ashes.
All that being said, and before I get all wrapped up in metaphor, let me turn it over to Holly for those questions!
Hi Lee, so let’s start by asking you what are the biggest obstacles you have had to overcome since the day you came to the decision to live as a man?
“I can honestly say there have been no MAJOR obstacles… most people thought I was really a guy anyway! I guess the only thing has been getting used to referring to myself in conversation using the terms ‘he’ and ‘him’…and getting friends to do the same.”
What challenges did you expect to face but have been surprisingly less challenging in hindsight?
“When I put out the original article on RX Muscle and Female Muscle I was warned that I may get negative feedback from people who didn’t ‘get it’. Now although I had more than my fair share, and even recently I have seen postings on old forums about it and Google searches come up with some negative stuff, all in all the response has been positive.
I think that if people are comfortable with their own sexuality then they will respond positively. If their response is abusive or negative then the issue ultimately lies with them and not me.”
What challenges did you face that totally took you by surprise and became more difficult than you would have ever expected with this decision?
“Hmmm… I really had to think about this one. The only thing I can think of is something that I did anticipate but still remains a little uncomfortable to deal with…using the men’s bathrooms. I have no issues in the locker room…I mean look at me…would you even guess I had female plumbing if you saw me? But using a stall instead of a urinal…I can’t get it out of my head that it draws attention. Which is completely ridiculous of course! I have even talked to guys that prefer to use the stall….and come to think of it…if I was a biological guy I am sure I would too. Hope that all makes senseJ”
Are there certain health risks you face as a result of making this decision?
“With my knowledge of diet and training I would say I lessen any supposed health risks related to taking testosterone. At the end of the day both men and women face health risks which are related to their hormone systems. I am just trading one set for another up to a point. However at the risk of sounding flippant, I doubt if prostate issues are in my future.”
In looking back at this choice any regrets? What have you learned?
“Regrets? Only that I wish I had continued the process when I started it in my twenties instead of waiting till I was nearly fifty…but that is not something I can change. In saying that I would say to say to others that if there is something you want to do in life, no matter how big or how small and you are having fears based around what other people think or how others may react…let those fears go and just DO IT! As long as you are not hurting anyone or breaking the law in the process of courseJ”
What was your biggest fear?
“Wow you are really making me think here Holly! I would have to say, as crazy as it may sound, that my biggest fear was worrying what other people who already knew me as ‘female’ would say and how they would respond. Quite honestly, if it wasn’t for my close friend Colette Nelson encouraging me I really don’t think I would ever have done it. I have always been a rebel with a clause…’what will people think’. Thankfully I am letting that go now.
Looking back it’s kind of funny…the whole thing really came about cause I was so tired of always correcting people when they called me ‘sir’. It just kept happening more and more and correcting them seemed wrong somehow since I always felt like a guy. Then one weekend I was staying in the city and I thought…let’s just let the guy live this weekend…and everything just fell into place from that moment on…I never went back!”
As you look at society’s view of transgender lifestyle’s do you foresee humanity accepting “life’s’ gender choice more openly over the next 5 years?
“I truly hope so! Listen I have always had what you might call ‘different’ views when it comes to gender and relationships etc anyway. I recall having a conversation with a friend of mine many, many years ago on the lines of how restricting society’s ‘rules’ around gender and behavior were in terms of placing boundaries between people. Although things are changing as people are allowing themselves more freedom, there are still barriers there…
In an ideal world gender should be less restricting on our interactions with others AND we should be able to freely express who we are. I recall a gay guy recently wrote to transgender advocate Buck Angel as he was worried that although Buck was a female to male transgender he was attracted to him and was confused. Buck answered him by saying; ‘don’t be confused, I am a man that just happens to have a vagina’. …that really says it all!”
What are your life’s goals and dreams as ‘Lee”?
“Well now that I am the male Lee I always should have been I want to make a difference in people’s lives. I hope I can help other transmen with my knowledge of diet and training, my life experience etc. I hate to go ‘zodiac’ on you but I am a Leo and I have a hunger for the spotlight that, although it has mellowed over the years, is still there!
So I would like to try some modeling work etc.
I am also setting up an FTM (Female to Male) site sometime soon and it is going to be pretty ‘out there’ J. I have also created an alter ego for myself…TG MAX…so I intend to have fun playing with that!
However my biggest goal for myself is to find a way to get chest surgery done…that would make me feel complete.”
What are your goals for society?
“As touched on before…but put simply…let’s all just loosen up for god’s sake and live a little, lol!”
How do you see life today compared to when you did the last interview with Colette?
“I don’t really think that much has changed…although I have had to get realistic about my chest surgery situation and the costs etc. I love being accepted finally as a guy and although I have my demons to deal with when it comes to the limitations of my body, the fact is that when people meet me, unless I have to tell them for a specific reason, they don’t even question my gender. I kind of find this amusing sometimes for some obscure reason….”
What the biggest message you would like to share with others?
“Don’t be afraid to take a chance, don’t be afraid to follow a dream….never make excuses for who you are and always dare to be different.”
What’s favorite inspirational quote that best describes your journey?
“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass…it’s about learning to dance in the rain.”
“I still have obstacles and things I have to deal with on a daily basis, just as so many people have to do in their lives for one reason or another. It’s all about capturing moments in your life and making the best out of what you have created for yourself.”
Any last words you would like to share we did not cover today?
“Just a big thank you to you Holly for supplying the questions this time around and to Colette for taking the pictures and giving me the belief in myself to make this happen!”