LEIGH PENMAN – RX MUSCLE
Hi, and welcome to another in my occasional series where I take a closer look at the ‘mind behind the muscle’ of some of our favorite female athletes.
This time around I am devoting an article to Zoa Linsey, who apart from being one of our most loved and respected female bodybuilders also has a very valuable and inspiring story to share with readers of Female Muscle.
Zoa, like many women, has battled an eating disorder in the past. The fact that she has not only put that demon to rest but also proceeded to become a professional bodybuilder, speaks volumes in terms of her personal willpower and determination.
My hope is that, in sharing her story, she may not only help someone out there who is currently suffering, but also inspire in us all the feeling that there are no obstacles in life too great and there is nothing we cannot achieve if we believe in ourselves enough to gift ourselves with the greatest gift of all…the gift of a happy, healthy and fulfilling life.
So let us begin this journey with Zoa by taking a closer look at how her long battle with eating disorders began…..
It would seem from what I have read that your parents’ divorce heralded the arrival of your eating disorder, I can identify with that as the same thing happened to me. In your case do you think that the disorder was your attempt at controlling ‘something’ in your life when everything else seemed to be spiraling out of your control?
“Definitely, eating disorders can be an attempt for a person to gain control over what they might be feeling deep inside—lost, confused and uncertain. As you might also have experienced Leigh, initially my eating disorder was my subconscious mind’s way of coping with the extreme amount of stress I was going through beginning from age 17. I was too young and inexperienced to understand what was happening around me, unable to consciously cope with all this stress, so I shut down my emotions and chose to focus on an area that I could control – body image, exercise and eating…
“I believe that when a person goes through an extreme amount of stress, their body will react in some way – we’ve all heard of the ‘fight or flight’ instinct. Everyone deals with stress in different ways. Some people ‘shut down’ some get depressed and some people (usually younger women) will develop eating disorders. Unfortunately, it often begins with a positive action (distracting yourself from the issue at hand) and but then usually slowly becomes another issue in itself. Through my mid-20’s I had recognized that I had developed a problem, but I was unable to process what was happening in my life. The disorder enabled me to put my mind and energy into something I could control – my eating, my exercise and how I managed my body.”
Did you ever perceive yourself as ‘fat’?
“Yes! But now I laugh at one of my memories from years ago…I was buying M & F and all the other muscle magazines for years before I ever competed. I LOVED the female muscular physique, I thought it was beautiful! I remember distinctly looking at a picture of a female bodybuilder sitting down doing a one-arm concentration curl. My first thought, ‘Wow, that woman looks amazing, I want to look like that’….my second thought, after reading the caption that said she weighed 150 pounds was ‘if I EVER weigh 150 pounds, I will literally kill myself!’ Now here I am at 190-195, comfortable and happy. It’s been a long and interesting journey to get to this point but it’s been YEARS since I considered myself ‘fat’ in the sense of the word that a person with an eating disorder would. I accept that my body makes changes throughout the year and enjoy each one of them. When a person says they ‘feel fat’, usually they have to recognize that ‘fat’ is not a feeling, but they need to figure out what is under that discontent and unhappiness. “Feeling fat” is usually on a symptom of deeper issues that need to get resolved.”
How did your eating disorders begin to manifest…i.e. what changes did you start to make in your daily eating and living habits?
“When I was a teenager, my mother moved out of our home and so I started running to her apartment to go visit her and running back home. As far as my eating I just remember thinking that I needed to keep my weight under 125-130 or I was ‘out of control’! I am hypoglycemic so have always eaten every 2-3 hours so this didn’t change, perhaps my portion sizes did, I just became obsessed about looking a certain way. I still always included protein in all of my meals though (thanks to all my M & F, Flex and Ironman mags)!!”
At the time when these behaviors had the biggest hold on you what would an average days eating and activity look like?
“I have to say it evolved from under eating and being ‘skinny’ to over-exercising, getting into weight training but still working with improper nutrition. While I was in my mid 20’s I typically ran 6.5 miles in the morning before work, then trained with weights and did more cardio in the evening right after work. On the weekend I would run a 10 miler then train later or on the way home. My eating was healthy but definitely too little for my activity and size. This type of behaviour is very common even now with competitive athletes, I like to refer to it as ‘disordered eating’….not a full blown eating disorder but definitely afraid of food and afraid of what taking a day ‘off’ would do! Whether it is a serious life-threatening eating disorder or just disordered thinking, it’s a negative mind-space to be in if you are afraid to eat, and afraid to include foods you love into your daily nutrition. This is something I see a lot of with the women I work with. Fear is a bad motivator but good information about nutrition will empower a woman to take real control over her life.”
When did you admit to yourself that you had a problem and what triggered this admission?
“In my early 20’s when I re-read my journal and realized I had been working on this issue for a couple years. I then realized I needed to make my recovery a priority. But just like changing a lifestyle, eliminating negative attitudes about food, or removing compulsive behaviors, it takes time, effort and patience”.
How did you discover the world of bodybuilding?
“Like I said I was in the gym training and buying muscle mags since my early 20’s. I loved the muscular physique. I just didn’t know how to get it! I began training hard and heavy, one body part a day, in my mid-20’s. That’s when I started growing. I still remember not being able to fit into my favorite stretch jeans LOL. I was disappointed and excited at the same time! There were a lot of people who encouraged me in the past, and like anyone else, many who led me astray with misinformation. However all these experiences brought me to where I am today and it’s this experience that enables me to help others with achieving their own lifestyle balance.”
How did becoming involved in bodybuilding change your views about food?
“My first coach gave me an eating plan to follow and said to follow it if I wanted to get ripped. So I did. I saw that I got leaner and got the look I wanted, and I had to eat to get there! It changed my thinking and understanding of what it took to be ‘in shape’.”
Was it easy for you to adjust to a new way of eating or did it take a long time for the transition to take place?
“I worked through my issues for the first few years of competing intermittently. It didn’t help that I went through what would be considered a very emotionally abusive relationship so it was a true test of my recovery to be able to say that I still continued eating healthy even throughout this time. However, it’s my belief that there is no getting rid of a bad habit. The only thing you can do with a bad habit is to replace it with one that is healthy for you and doesn’t control your life. I feel good when I’m focused and achieving something so I turned my energy into something positive…training hard, which I love, and dieting, which is a good challenge for me.”
Did you suffer from any relapses and if so what do you think the trigger for them was?
“You know the last time I even felt like I had an eating disorder was many, many years ago. But I would say that in general the trigger would have been some kind of stress. Now I deal with my stress by dealing with the issue with confidence and not running from it. My eating is my fuel for life, and continues despite what is happening in my life…after all I’m a competitive athlete!
“For women reading this, my suggestion to you would be if you are struggling with these feelings of being out of control, or hating your body…try to think about your life – your career, your relationship, your friendship – and ask yourself if there are other real problems that you have that are confusing you and just may be too overwhelming to deal with. It’s often easier to complain about our body than to face that aspects of our life need a significant overhaul!”
We often learn a lot about life and ourselves from these experiences…what do you think your battle with eating disorders taught you?
“It taught me that we are ‘works in progress’ and that sometimes to get somewhere amazing you may have to wade through confusion and darkness. But these dark times teach you something about yourself and who you are…they make you committed to yourself and improvement…they build what we call “character”…which is essential to developing your own personal meaning and purpose, to stand tall despite any storm, to know that we can handle any obstacle with confidence. I know that because of the things I have experienced I have a better ability to empathize with and to and understand my clients, and I have real compassion for others who are going through difficulties. I’ve also developed a strong sense of gratitude and humility and am thankful for where I’ve been and the things I’ve experienced. It keeps me grounded at all times.”
Moving forward….what sort of diet do you stick to nowadays in terms of nutrient ratios?
“I eat very high protein, moderate to low carb and very low fat. I don’t cycle my carbs during diet season. Off-season I keep my protein the same but raise my carbs and can add more healthy fats. I still measure about 75% of my food even off season to make sure I’m getting the nutrients I need to grow.
I’ve used a variety of different diets through my last decade of competing and found that this works best for me in terms of energy level and maintaining the level of leanness that I like to keep off-season. The important thing for competitors is to do what works for them and learn to trust their own body. There is no ‘magic’ to getting in shape!”
How close do you stay to your contest weight in the off season?
“I stay within 15 pounds. I gradually add a couple pounds a month off-season so as to ensure it is muscle I’m adding, not fat. I don’t think being fat is necessary to being strong. Healthy…yes, fat…no! After all, we are athletes!
Are you ever concerned that contest dieting may trigger the anorexic mentality again?
“Not at all. That part of my life is completely over! I have absolutely no worries or fear of food or misunderstanding of what my body needs to do, in order to be healthy. I use my past now to help other women get over their body image hurdles and help them understand what good nutrition can do for them. Knowledge is power!”
What would be your advice for anyone out there who may be suffering from an eating disorder?
“Get help! Treat your eating disorder with a two-pronged approach…nutritional and psychological. Don’t be afraid to find out what is really bothering you and don’t be afraid of your eating disorder. It is a part of you that started to protect you and now it’s your job to find new ways to cope with issues that are just part of everyday life! Find someone to talk to (a professional) that has dealt with these issues before and get started on your path to freedom! Accept you need help now, but have hope that what you are going through now will help make you a better and more complete person down the road.”
And getting back to you…apart from competing…what else have you got mapped out for your future?
“Obviously there are some business aspects that my husband and I are working on right now such as new web-site (just launched), training videos, online training, etc… At the moment, I am focusing my energies on competing this spring, and this close to the show I have very else to focus on…I’ve cleared my plate to focus on doing my competitions 100%. I understand that not everyone will want to be a female bodybuilder but I enjoy that when people meet me they see something they like. I hope to continue to improve, but also motivate and inspire other women to improve their own lives.”
Finally…how can readers contact you?
Web-site: www.zoalinsey.com
E-mail: zoa@zoalinsey.com
Face book Fan Page:
http://www.facebook.com/#/pages/ZOA-LINSEY/108919095811?ref=ts
LEIGH PENMAN – RX MUSCLE
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